Today I started my counselling course which I am very excited about and it was great. I met lots of great people but this is not what the post was about.
Now I am not a very confident driver; as in I get panicky when I go to new places, worry about where to park, new roundabouts etc. So this morning I was in a bit of a state (but not as bad as I used to be!)
I set my sat nav to the college where my course is being held and put all my trust in the little electronic lady, listening to all her ‘turn right, turn left, take the second exit’ in her calm voice. I love how she never shouts at me when I take the wrong turn!
Anyway, I had clicked on the ‘quickest route’ which meant she took me on the motorway. Again something else I have panicked over but am getting much better with as I do more of it. So I’m going along the motorway looking ahead, either side and behind me as I was taught to and was clock watching, hoping I was going to get to class in time.
Then the traffic slowed, and stopped. Traffic is one of those things I simply don’t understand. Why had we stopped? No idea. I started getting wound up and could feel my heart racing. I was going to be SO late and I hate being late. It shows disrespect and I didn’t want to do that on my first day. I started getting wound up and blaming the kids; if I didn’t have to drop them off I wouldn’t be late etc etc. (Of course it was NOT their fault and I was just lashing out)
I then stopped my mind, took a few deep breaths and said out loud, ‘I will get there when I get there. There is no where I can go so there is no point getting wound up’. It actually helped. I then sat back and looked around properly and I was struck at how the position I was in reflected perfectly the mental state I have got myself into and feel at times.
I was stuck in traffic but I have been stuck in life. My sat nav is telling me where to go and I am trusting it but at this moment in time I have no idea where I am. Just believing the path I am on is the right one.
I am stuck but the other cars in the other lanes are moving, giving me the urge to change lanes. The cars on the other side are zooming past, is it better to go back? All these urges and doubts have struck me in moments of my life.
Other cars are holding me in place, as people have done in my life. But then the traffic moved and I eventually got to where I was going. Sometimes in life I have been so stuck but I have to hold on to the hope that one day I will move faster and faster and eventually get to where my sat nav is directing me to.
I felt a strange but wonderful calmness then. This journey to me has been tough but I am trusting I am on the right path, I can change lanes and take different turns but my internal sat nav will keep pointing me to my destination. I have faith and hold on to the hope that one day I will get there – and the big thing, ‘there’ is just one destination of many.
It is a journey I am on and in that journey I will discover who I am and hopefully help others along the way. 🙂