The day before yesterday and yesterday my dear cat Nikki was not looking well. This really upset me and I felt so useless that I could not help. You see, Nikki is a very special cat, well, all my pets are but she is very dear to me.
We got her and her brother from the RSPCA in London as kittens. Her brother Jacko was such a tart and straight away came to us for a love. Nikki, however was curled up, scared and so tiny. She could fit in the cup of my hand!
We wanted Jacko but decided we could not split the brother and sister up, so 16 years ago we brought them home. It took a lot of time, patience and food bribes to gain Nikki’s trust and in a way, these two cats were our first babies.
I was struggling with severe depression at the time and just before my 19th birthday I was so low. I can’t remember what happened but I remember thinking that I really was not worth being alive so I took an overdose. As I lay there waiting for the pills to kick in, not sure if they would work, Nikki jumped on the bed and stared at me.
It felt like she was staring into my soul and then she loved me. You know, in that cat way when they sort of head butt you and push their nose under your had to pet them. She was purring really loudly and stirred something deep within me.
I had a feeling that I needed to hang on. I had a feeling that one day I would have children. I should not give up. There was so much to do.
I don’t remember much but crying. Somehow I called the ambulance and remember I kept apologising to the paramedics. I felt so guilty for wasting their time. I felt awful when my husband (fiance at the time) came to the hospital, felt so guilty to put him through this. He stayed and supported me while I threw up the contents of my stomach and looked after me when we got home. To this day I am sorry for putting him through such a difficult situation.
So, when Nikki look like she was on her last legs over the last couple of days, it brought up a lot of painful memories. It reminded me of what an important part she played in my life and I don’t think I would be here if it wasn’t for her. I know she’ll have to go one day and I do dread that day but maybe we’ll meet again in another lifetime? I don’t know. Until then, I will remember to tell people around me I love them and remember to appreciate what I have.
Thankfully she’s back to her old self now 🙂