I have actually been loosing sleep over how I’m going to do write this blog! I still stand by my decision to be myself but I’m finding it difficult with all sorts of issues running in my mind; Who do I think I am doing this? I can’t even write! What will people think? What will they say?
But I know I need to do this, open up from the safety of my chair and computer. I think I’ve figured out how to start…from the beginning. Well, beginning of this journey to me.
Last year my brother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer. His funeral was last November. He was told though and he knew what was coming. He was told he had six weeks to live.
This completely blew my world – what would you do if you were told you had six weeks to live? So many of us just plod along in life and something like that really wakes you up. It was then I decided no more of this roller coaster of ups and downs. No more ending up on square one all the time and feeling like a looser. I am now 35 and in five years, I will be 40. Do I really want to look at my life at 40 and think, “Well, you’ve not done much” or still be struggling in my own skin or let my children down. I decided I needed to live my life the way I want to remember it (when I’m old, sat in my care home waiting for my children to visit!)
And the first step for me? I quit my job at the local High School and set out to start my own business as a photographer. Realising a dream I had since I was 14. I never felt more terrified in my life but I also never felt so energised. I know this is the right path I am on and since January I’ve done so much and learnt so much about myself, hence my need to write it down.
This is what I wrote down around that time,
“It is yet another grey and miserable day. The weather reflects my mood. The same mood I have been in for weeks. At times, I wish I could find some contact lenses to make my life clear just like they do for my eyes. I feel so lost at the moment and yet I know I am on the right path. For so long I have been doing what has been expected and I have been trying to fit in. Now I must do what I want and what I need, otherwise I shall never be happy, I shall never be the ME that I was born to be.” Dec 11
What would you do if you were told you had six weeks to live? What dreams do you have? What would you be if you could be anything you wanted to be?